Book Review: "Am I Lying To Myself" By Jane Greer

 Am I Lying To Myself is a book for all those who are seeking truth both within themselves and outside of their relationships.

The concrete, precise, clear-cut examples through real life stories of clients as well as the process to providing healthy thoughts and boundaries is exactly what's needed in our chaotic and toxic world.

Jane Greer provides the answers by using simplistic dialogue formatted for the daily consumer.

Look at facts, don't ignore actions is just one part of this equation.

To fully understand you must honestly have lived it. This is where I differ with Jane. 

I believe in the totality of the circumstances and you can't understand if you use hearsay or third party intervention.

I've been homeless, bankrupt, lt unemployed (29 yrs) with a dual masters plus 20 years experience in volunteering. Yet, for 12 years all I heard in the job market was simply, NO.

What we must understand is while you might consider someone's story as 'complaining' those living those 'injustices' from a broken and tattered system meant to suppress aren't feeling the love and support. 

If just one person 'listened' and 'offered a hand up not out' what a wonderful world it woud be but sadly greed has taken hold and even among non profits meant to help. Funding is limited or non existent. Programs are shut down and wiped out. Non profits are short funded and lack personnel to handle high case loads.

What we must not lose sight of is most people don't enjoy poverty, bankruptcy, homelessness, addictions, or the like. What they need is merely 'help.'

Yet, we shy away, find fault, seek blame or shame, and re-victimize because we as humans can't relate to the story being told.

Now, while I might agree there's some pitiful stories I also believe these individuals are trying their best in a system designed to fail them.

We must get to the root of the problem and rather than offering a band-aid and seeking alternatives we need to offer an answer.

In this mode of thinking it's not just suggestive thinking to offer a hold on tight idea. Hell, people left on the street with 3 kids (eldest med disabled) like myself have seen that light. We know the warning signs but sadly by the time they're shown from a malignant narcissist we're already on the outside looking in.

I've had a 2 year weight list for housing, food stamps, medical assistance, and in the interim I had zero income as a homemaker and mom of three. I wasn't allowed to work -not that I didn't die trying to escape. 

I was told my income wouldn't be sufficient to support a family and to stay home and raise the family while my spouse and I agreed to split the income for our household.

You see that's but a dream. A quick summary of the 4 year battle to get divorced using 4 attorneys to finally see freedom thanks in large part to my family.

However, not everyone is so lucky and sadly they falter to a life of hopelessness, depression, and non livable wages.

I read this book to find answers and I did come away with those answers in how to get others to see from a survival mode rather than a love mode of thinking.

When you live in a 'flight or fight' response the triggers are not easy for others to understand and often we need listening and help not condemnation and ridicule.

My hope is that this book might help both sides of this dilemma from society, to the client, to the average family member wondering how best to address the problems.

Spending money how a narc sees fit, having sex when only he's interested, was just the tip of the iceberg. The abuse behind closed doors, the shame/blame/revictimization, and the constant eggshell moments of Jekyll and Hyde persona makes one emptied from the soul.

I relate to many of the stories told in this regard and can attest to the truthfullness of the words being spoken.

I enjoyed the suggestions:

Read the small print, do emotional math, hold on tight, look in rearview mirror, set your date, lean in rather than lean back, thread the needle, know when to hold them and fold them, use what you know, address your distress, and lastly wait to be asked.

All are great ideas but as I stated earlier please don't lose sight of where the emotions stem and how to better address them in the totality of the circumstances.

People are quick to judge, to make assumptions, to presume wrongly, and then to try to right the wrongs. 

Last I checked the only perfect individual who hasn't made mistakes is above. We must end the shame, guilt, and revictimization and begin the healing.