"I went into the investigation imagining history to be a unified narrative, free of debate, which once uncovered, would simply verify everything I had always suspected. The smokescreens would lift. And the villains who manipulated the schools and the streets would be unmasked."
Life doesn't always go as planned. I speak to you from a place of similarities as my fellow brother because my family is mixed race. My two brothers both married outside our white race and I know your pain.
You see my 12 yr old niece (bi-racial) was killed in a 7 car accident on I4 in Clermont Florida June 21st 2016. The day is etched in memory as she was taken away from us by an alleged driver speeding that Tuesday morning. She was one of four killed -Cassie- being the only child to pass away-& her mother & brother (now an only child) left with burn marks from his seat belt but alive to tell about a F-150 undercarriage of this young man's truck landing upon their vehicle that was headed in the opposite direction.
I know your pain because as a white former mid class woman now in extreme poverty and raising three kids solo -I've been subjected to the same racism, the same bigotry, the same hatred and anger from the same white nationalist groups.
Yet, we come to share out experiences from opposite ends of the 'class divide.'
As a 'former' minister of hospitality in a 'Catholic' church I would never think three older white male ushers would rip a collection basket from my 47 year old hands simply because I'm a white female. Yet, this happened in the mid of Sunday Mass when unbenounced to me I was told I could not serve the Lord and that these men, "needed time to come around to this new line of thinking" as so it deemed via the Vicar at St. Ignatius of Loyola in Kingston, Pennsylvania. It didn't end there because just recently I received a letter -11 business days after my eldest daughter received their own Bishop Youth Award- for which I was attending only to be told we're no longer considered parishioners of this very same church.
Due to being high risk covid-I declined the body and blood of Christ during the event in the mid of pandemic and asked it be provided to the female ushers who would follow.
I'm also the same white impoverished female who was once pulled over by a police officer and told I passed in a no passing zone while going the speed limit. Unfortunately, my attempts to explain the totality of circumstances being another vehicle pulled out in front of me in a single lane with multiple cars behind me going extremely slow risking a catastrophe went unheard. As I addressed this young white male officer with 'yes sir' and or 'no sir' responses I was told I came across as 'aggressive' in demeanor. He certainly couldn't have known I have a benign thyroid nodule 3 cm in center of my throat nor for which my tone is misconstrued as I'm unable to speak currently with post nasal/allergies and that I speak loud normally from having two elderly parents I tend to that are unable to hear as a Navy Veteran of the Cold War.
I'm that same middle aged white woman who searched for job prospects for over ten years now to only be told I'm over/underqualified as a homemaker with a dual masters, Points of Light recipient from our 41st President of the USA, and the same woman who served my fellow community members in numerous organizations for the past 20 years.
I'm that white woman who dared to display affection and hug a black woman as I served the poor and hungry during a food distribution event at our local CEO in which I was reprimanded and told we don't speak or express emotion to those we serve yet I'm also a recipient myself of such services.
I'm the white woman who was told after 30 years that I look and feel great yet suffered internally with numerous medical issues similar to my son who was born with vater syndrome for life yet was taken off SSI/SSP upon turning 18 while we were in extreme poverty yet was placed back on the very meds they claimed he was cured from just months earlier for his stomach acid reflux and fused esophagus issues.
You see -we are more alike than different because we are all from one race. The human race.
Yesterday as I stood in line for check out at Walmart I overheard an older white man proclaim the young kids don't want to work these days. He has plenty of jobs but no workers. He has nobody who wants to work hard. Of course, I don't take lightly to his commentary and proceeded to inform him of my qualifications and denial for employment.
How I'm a single mother raising three kids left bankrupt, homeless, and LT unemployed while being told to pull myself up from my bootstraps, suck it up buttercup we all have problems, and my favorite -I deserved the abuse- from my ex-spouse whom I divorced after 11 years of marriage and 13 years being together.
Now, we all know that $7.25hr. isn't a whirlwind of money... that zero benefits for full time work clearly is the best way to go. That factory work which leaves one nearly crippled with spinal stenosis, COPD, ganglion cysts, and lung scarring from diesel fumes is the best alternative but can we stop these perpetuated myths.
I worked to death as top producer, associate of month in 2 depts. as material handler, I put myself through college and still owed another 35k in loans with another 100k total payout w interest and fees.
Life is not rosy or red nor are their rainbows at the end of our trail.
Corruption of Northeastern Pennsylvania and Kids for Cash Scandals have put us on the map in all regards. In fact, we're still on the map as nothing has changed here other than the fact we now have police and correction officers accused of raping and assaulting women and or people of color in these positions of authority.
You noted "the air we breathed was toxic. The water stunted our growth. We could not get out."
Do you know when my bi-racial niece died and I informed my children's private catholic school (for which I receive aid to attend) of her passing they immediately went to the next item on the event schedule for basketball completely ignoring my comment of her passing away.
Do you know when these Catholic schools request donations or volunteerism it's forced upon others to perform regardless of the constraints of funding upon the parents or families they support.
I've recently had to ask to be excluded from these group chat txt conversations because they always requested donations and many quickly offered them up yet I had to go to soup kitchens, food banks, and libraries to off set the limited EBT funds made available to feed my family.
These myths and fallacies that we all want handouts, are lazy, uneducated, baby making machines, etc. are generational meaning they've been passed from one generation to the next without checking for accuracy.
I too am afraid to walk the streets, to wear a skirt, to go anywhere after dark. Heck I can't go and work in my city garden without a man pulling up to examine my body or attire and make commentary and or offers.
Voting here in a red county is like wishing it were blue because you have to deal with the nonsense of these white nationalist placing metal framed DT signs upon handicapped rails upon entering our township polls just to cast your vote.
Intimidation, harassment, threats is nothing new as a white woman I'm run off the road, spit upon, thrown rocks at my car, and yes cursed at simply for being a woman and driving down the road. Do you know only men can turn down certain roads here w/o problems. If a woman wants to turn the men here will blare their car horns at you as if it's criminal this while undressing you with their eyeballs for driving behind them which is so obnoxious and disgusting.
If you speak out against this bs you'll be told you're tangient in thoughts, you're too loud, too aggressive, or come across as entitled or whatever else they wish to throw your way.
In fact, my med disabled son was mocked for receiving a '4 yr perfect attendance' upon pre-graduating ceremonies from this private catholic high school - I suppose if the entire audience (adult and kids alike) knew he spent 2 months in NICU and was life flighted and still suffers to this day with his disabilities they might be more kosher.
Supposedly being a kept woman, a biz partner, a prisoner in her own home as an abused woman who survived a malignant narc isn't socially acceptable but perhaps one day I too will be able to proclaim, " I did not want to raise you in fear or false memory. I did not want you forced to mask your joys and bind your eyes."...
Perhaps just perhaps one day equality will be here for all, racism will end, bigotry will be just a side note, and women, men, and children of all races -colors-creeds can be united as one!
This too is what I pray because as we all know too well -prayers- is all we have left to offer one another.
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