I'm going to pretend for a moment I didn't just view some of my fellow book reviewers commentary because it's not what I've come to love and read from Rachel Hollis.
Since when can we not be allowed to confront our own personal demons with clarity, vigor, transparency, and love?
Are we all perfect in one image -that being self reflection?
One of the problems I've encountered through living this Hell on Earth scenario or as we locals call the Life of Hard Knocks is that plenty of myths that were predetermined exist to counter balance the thought process.
For example did you know if you are in extreme poverty, bankrupt, homeless, LT unemployed with a Masters and 3 children from a failed 11 yr marriage (13 yrs together to a malignant narcissist) you deserved the abuse according to his attorney.
Let me offer it another way: Did you know if you were struggling to provide food on your table, offered to volunteer at a local food bank, invited to take home some food -courtesy of President of the Food Bank -home to your kids you will be uncovered treated as a criminal and later told that food can only be provided to those 'residing in servicing area.' Now I remind folks here: If someone came to your home in need of food would you turn them away because they weren't from your current location?
How about if you volunteer at a local Catholic church as the only female usher and only female minister of hospitality for 2 years only to have a new priest and vicar act as if they've never seen you before; have 4 elderly white male ushers rip the collection basket out of your hands, while overhearing them noting there's more of us then her, and then are told upon notifying the church that these men need time to come around to this new line of thinking.
Or you may like this one: After spending 20 yrs volunteering, you find yourself with a Masters and no job, so after raising your family you place some cold call emails and are blessed with an interview but not so fast. At the interview you're told you come across as entitled because you now are seeking work after spending 20 yrs volunteering.
Or would you like to know that many people feel those who are poor come across as wanting 'hand outs' and label us all as uneducated, unwed baby machines, drug addicts, lazy, dirty, and scum until they see this video by my former President of that very same food bank -discussing the shocking truth about food insecurities of which I was one of only 20 who told my story to all members of Congress and had my story read by Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn). https://video.search.yahoo.com/search...
I bring this up because there's zero empathy, compassion, love, or understanding and everyone is an arm chair critic until they live this life.
The first review I read noted how wealthy Rachel Hollis is, how she married into it, and how she has people who assist in caretaking responsibilities. So I ask -Does this disqualify her from having emotions, feelings, and legitimacy about her own and very personal story that she openly shared.
Rather than condemn how about we learn to accept and respect and validate. Because in the end that's what we all seek to be heard and to not be silenced.
I'll never forget when my own family members scoffed at me for using the 'system' to support myself. They felt it was beneath me until I showed them how difficult it was to get a job after being a homemaker for 20 yrs without the experience or plainly put in layman terms: under/overqualified.
So lets get back to basics: Nobody lives your life but you. Only you are responsible for the outcome.
What happens is nobody else's business but your own but if you choose to release that negativity and replace with positivity you may not always be welcomed with open arms.
People will berate, chastise, condemn and even harm you for simply speaking out against the norms.
Yes, sadly this is the new norm and no it's not rainbows and roses for anyone much less women.
We are all struggling to simply survive and thrive.
Hell, I for one have three kids all graduating in 2021, one was quarantined because in college that's what they force you to do if near someone in class with possible corona symptoms; one in last year of elementary who is temporarily on and off with ex- spouse on weekends because I have a fatal blood disorder and sadly he has zero internet access because his former girlfriend realized he was cheating (shocker)& she paid the internet/tv ; one whose a senior in high school who just lost her playoff game this past weekend because her team was injured and ill.
I get it and you should too.
You see I have numerous medical conditions including at the moment HUS; severe spinal stenosis with severe anemia and Lord only knows when my last day will be.
What I can tell you is this: be kind to one another. Love one another. Support one another. Stop the victim blaming and shaming.
Yesterday I posted to our 1st female vice president elect that I have my masters, can't get employed, and want to work. A troll posted immediately so you want money.
Needless to say this is everyday bullshit that I had to block.
Or this: My youngest has a 96 in her 8th grade science with high honors. She had a new teacher this year during the pandemic. He gave her a zero on the test claiming plagerism and sent her to the principal's office while also pulling her out of class to discuss with his Purdue University form all about plagiarism. Here's the reality: She was at a friends house using her computer as she has non in extreme poverty. She was rushed for time. She google searched an answer after not finding it in her notes. She placed it in quotes (or so she thought) and sent it out.
Simple! MISTAKE! Yet this teacher acted as though my daughter with honors was treated like a criminal and was ostracized for weeks. The teacher in fact never graded her test until I begged him to in order to prove she had no need to cheat. When he did it was a 96 test grade yet he gave her an 86 after I became involved. Even with this alpha male she still had high honors for the quarter.
In fact, that time my college son was forced into quarantine they took him off the roster after he missed the two weeks for staying home as they instructed him to do but failed to check their own quarantine list of students they subsequently placed there. This after notifying the President of the College, the security in charge of the quarantine letter, and the faculty/staff in their offices.
Folks, this is life. It's not what we signed up for but having spent 13 yrs with their leader I know these toxic individuals like the back of my hand.
We have to do what Rachel noted and breath, relax, redefine, and restructure while going outside our comfort zones and boundaries.
We are not the labels attached to us nor are we defined by our failures.
When I addressed the principal and this teacher upon receiving this college level thinking that young kids don't make mistakes theory- I noted this:
We all make mistakes. We are all flawed.
We cannot crucify others nor hang them to the cross.
When God is for us who can be against us.
Don't get bitter get better.
Be so good they cannot ignore you.
The only judge of my actions is my savior.
God will fight your enemies so leave it up to him.
Whatever your fate is irrelevant because we all believe in the moments before and after the dash.
What will be your lasting legacy?
How do you wish to be remembered?
When I was in Rachel's shoes the divorce was messy and took 4 yrs with 4 attorneys to complete. I was left with nothing and in fact was owed 15k child support arrears that was wiped clean by the judge in noting he paid his own property taxes, mortgage, and household bills so he credited our home and awarded him overage forcing me to pay 5k from the support that I never received till a year later in the amount of 100 dollars for our family of four.
While we ate at food banks he denied our suffering and took his new 'already married' girlfriend out to dinner and placed her son in my son's bedroom the very home we were forced out of and left on the curb even though it was marital asset.
We then continued to attend private school in extreme poverty using financial aid and you can't imagine the snickers and hell I received for it all.
If you even have a cell phone people will criticize, a nice car, money in wallet, anything that might show you have anything of value and they will come after you -so much so -I now play dead.
They don't realize you had all that while married, it wasn't given but earned, I worked two jobs prior to raising 3 kids and did so making $7.25 hr as a material handler doing factory work as top producer and associate of the month in two departments.
I know one thing: When I was feeling down and out on my luck watching older women pull food out of trash bags while I waited in a freezing cold car to pick up my kids from school because I couldn't afford to go home and back - I learned I was not alone.
You must note: You are never alone. Nor to blame. Nor deserve the shame.
People will talk no matter what you do.
They are often jealous and can't stand someone else getting ahead or getting attention.
I've learned this after seeing all 3 of my own kids on the honor rolls, high honors, national honor societies, president/deans list in college etc.
They did this when my kids excelled in athletics as well as academics.
It's the nature of the beast to wonder, to watch, to criticize others for doing what they themselves wish they could achieve.
As a minister of hospitality I leave you this: I complained one chilly day about my back which is so horrific I needed to have major back surgery but I'm afraid to have it performed upon me. I was in pain so bad that my hands now swell and my legs tingle and my knees go out and cause me to fall.
Yet, the beacon of hope and light as Rachel notes was this:
A woman whose a Sunday loyal came to mass, literally dragging both feet, held herself up with crutches under palms of both hands, and asked if I would help her get to the other side of the street so she could pull herself up onto the curb using the metal that wraps around the telephone poles so she could get to church.
I never complained about my situation after that again.
Rachel mentioned childbirth and adoption. I can only note that I had a placenta abruption and was given less than 10% chance of a healthy son and a life after the birth.
He was immediately life flighted to our local children's hospital while the doctors gave me two pints of blood to keep me alive.
I asked where my son was and was told he was life flighted and struggling to survive. I begged to see him after just having an emergency c section as he was my first but not my last birthing problem as I had my next with jaundice and my third was sua (single umbilical artery) low birth weight.
Upon going to NICU in the back of an ambulance for a two hour ride (feeling every bounce in the road) unable to even walk I entered into a wheelchair and exited to the nicu in which I watched a young baby die on the very crib next to my son's.
The parents came in crying and were ushered to another room as the blanket was placed over their child.
You have no idea anyone's life until you are able to walk in their shoes.
This book for me showcases the last 20 years if not more of hardships, tribulations, challenges, and courage. That courage to know that everything happens for a reason.
Those challenges make you stronger.
Those failures are disguised as successes to something bigger.
If you just keep the hope, faith, and dreams alive!
God bless Rachel and her family as well as everyone reading this today.
The storm we had last night took the power out but today the sun shines.
Remember that: This too shall pass!
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