Survivors must break their silence and speak out!So, first and foremost, thank you for speaking out not only openly but honestly and for speaking truths.
Many may question but many have not lived in your shoes.
I know this heartbreak well perhaps not to the same level in terms of a serial killer but in terms of the cycle of abuse, the denial, the gaslighting, the lovebombing, the need to please.
Women are often seen as 'empaths' who are 'nurturing' by nature.
They want to be the 'fixers' in relationships and often even with the warning signs in place we ignore them in hopes for a brighter future.
Yet, we must understand that 'gut instinct' is our 'alert' system. That's our inner workings telling us something is off and not normal.
Liz noted," I wasn't about to give him up over this."
I think this comment alone spoke volumes of the quick consummation and need to be right and be heard and not feel dooped by love.
Hindsight is twenty twenty yet sometimes it's hurtful to acknowledge the truths.
We can hope it away. We can make excuses. We can accept 1/2 truths.
However, in the end the one who pays is us!
Ladies, these men have had years of experience in being con artist. They are chameleons able to adapt, survive, and thrive in changing environments.
They can as noted here go from a murder to a memorable dinner all in one day within hours of one another.
I know because mine was also a womanizer, who was abusive, who couldn't care less about my kids and I after an 11 yr. marriage.
The similarities are alarming.
The isolation, the lies, the denials, the love bombing, triangulation, the smooth and charming ways, the grandiose ego, the obsessive nature, and yes the empty promises and broken dreams.
These men prey upon the weak, the vulnerable, the isolated, the abused.
The comment near the end of this book also took me by surprise and it was straight from Ted's mouth in which he noted that the women would show him their weaknesses and what they feared would happen often did because they disclosed so much.
"My time was being used to make my life look normal."
In the end it's about a source of benefit, supply, and the needs of the ONE.
It's about losing a sense of self by emptying all of yourself into the relationship for one.
The need to be approved and belong was apparent as they will lie, cheat, steal and do just about anything to appear NORMAL.
This is fact!
Yes, even to the extent of forming relationships, getting married, having kids (so sad with Liz's abortion) and more.
It's all for show, for appearance, for acceptance.
The warning signs are there but often those in these quickly consummated relationships feel on cloud nine and are in a state of fog.
They want to believe this individual is not toxic and that they are not being played.
Sadly, it's all a game. A vicious cycle. A trail of destruction.
A past full of broken relationships, empty promises, cancelled dreams.
Nothing you do or so will change this person as they are suffering from a personality trait disorder not a behavioral issue.
I do hope this is a learning experience to others and pray nobody especially the children experience such abuse.
It's gaslighting, brain washing, manipulation, threats, fear, intimidation and it plays on one's psyche.
It's a life built on fear and terror. A life full of rage and deception. A life based on a 'false sense of self.'
Life is not meant to be lived on 'eggshells'. It's not meant to be lived in a constant state of chaos.
Those who stay for the sake of the kids are doing a great disservice because as Molly pointed out she experienced more than she can dare admit. I'm so proud of her for speaking out about the "innocently hurting me" actions of Ted Bundy. Yes, they seem insignificant until the totality of the circumstances come into play and it all fits together as one big puzzle. I know what you speak as I used to call it a 'coy' 'shy' 'cunning' demeanor that appears innocent and is written off....
The kids see it , experience it, and live it right alongside you.
Please get out safely. Please seek help. Please don't ever settle for less than one deserves.
Life is short.
Live it fully.
No comments:
Post a Comment