Book Review: "Know My Name" By Chanel Miller

First and foremost my heart goes out to victims of violence especially abuse of this magnitude.

People are so quick in today's fast paced world to judge, to believe in myths, to not care about injustices that it has become counterintuitive yet we must never stop telling stories such as this memoir.

She may have been known as Emily Doe but to those of us who survived abuse - Chanel Miller- is known as a hero-a survivor- a thriver!

She has paved the path for others to follow and that's what it's all about. She holds her head high and I cannot do justice to her words.

So I'll leave them here: “I survived because I remained soft, because I listened, because I wrote. Because I huddled close to my truth, protected it like a tiny flame in a terrible storm. Hold up your head when the tears come, when you are mocked, insulted, questioned, threatened, when they tell you you are nothing, when your body is reduced to openings.

The journey will be longer than you imagined, trauma will find you again and again. Do not become the ones who hurt you. Stay tender with your power. Never fight to injure, fight to uplift. Fight because you know that in this life, you deserve safety, joy, and freedom. Fight because it is your life. Not anyone else’s. I did it, I am here. Looking back, all the ones who doubted or hurt or nearly conquered me faded away, and I am the only one standing. So now, the time has come. I dust myself off, and go on.”

This is called courage, honesty, truth and it will stand the test of time.

To those who mock, judge, ridicule, the power is in the pen, to make the change, to live freely, to absorb such an impact and not stand broken.

The truth will set you free and those who enable such crimes shall be prosecuted with those performing them.

Always remember for those suffering in silence-You are not alone.
While help may be slow, may feel more like ignorance, you are your best judge and jury. You must try everything in your power to do what you can as I agree wholeheartedly it's a lonely place.

There's no instruction, no manual, no judgement day that can take that pain away.
The restitution is nothing. The condemnation means nothing to them. The perps keep on going as this sentence of 6 months for rape is ludicrous.

We cannot stop until these perpetrators are subjected to the law of the land.
There has got to be stricter sentences for sexual abuse and there must be acceptance of women when they note it happens the first time -BELIEVE!

Thank you Chanel as I know your pain having married a malignant narcissist and left for dead -LITERALLY and Figuratively.

On a more personal note: I'll never forget the judge ( someone I've never met in person before) asking me to sit next to my abuser. When I graciously declined he then asked why? As if it was some sort of joke knowing I was there for PFA/Divorce/Custody Issues
As time progressed I was told by his attorney," I deserved the abuse."

I was told by family and friends that I was not accurate in my recollections or that I should've known and more victim blaming and shaming continues to this day as the black sheep and scape goat of the family.

I was horrified to learn of the preferential treatment my abuser received in court in allowing more time to appear for court scheduled hearings, in allowing hearing room changes without my knowledge, in allowing bogus and false claims to go forward including a special relief hearing after he lost use of his own home to a protection from abuse order claiming he was being penalized and unable to pay his own mortgage which was deemed illegal and dismissed-Thankfully!

Nothing surprises me anymore and certainly this is just the tip of the iceberg as I can go into so much detail including how he was sentenced to probation and anger management and told me he should've been teaching the class not taking it.

Or the fact that the master judge knew him, worked in politics with him, and worked a block from the courtroom in the police department on the same street yet we couldn't get a change of venue and ironically the judge ruled in his favor.

Or how the master judge for custody awarded him 21k for payments that we couldn't verify in two seconds time of showing them to us that he made on a spreadsheet that weren't notarized or legit forcing me to pay my abuser 5k in bank payments for him paying the mortgage on his home and utilities on his home that we had to vacate after abrupt shut off notices of all utilities causing homelessness for us (wife and three kids - our eldest son medically disabled with vater syndrome from birth for life). In fact, I have saved all legal correspondence in which the judge stated I'm not believable nor credible yet he was applauded even though I had proof of all his actions including taxes, bank statements, credit card statements, adoption papers, and more. My favorite gag moment came when he applauded him for continuing to make partial payments on kids tuition for private school when he had no job yet we had zero income, were homeless, and had no food nor the mere basics to live. At that point we lived a year on credit cards to simply survive while they delayed the hearing for a full year. My first payment for a family of four was $100 dollars.

Or the fact that the doctors wouldn't sign a release form preventing such shut off because they don't want to get involved in domestic disputes even though they knew our circumstances.

Life is a cruel, hard, dog eat dog world of corruption and higher ups making the rules for the lower and less wealthy.

I cannot fight city hall but I died trying and so should YOU!