Book Review: "The Scaffold Effect" By Harold S. Koplewicz, M.D.

OMG!! YES!!! The Scaffold Effect is exactly what this single mom of three teens needed to hear today!

Look, my life is based on the school of hard knocks. I grew up with a narcissistic family. My parents did the famous, Your brother got A's why can't you -routine all my life.

I've felt challenged, depressed, anxious, isolated and alone throughout childhood and have been misdiagnosed and misinterpreted throughout the past 47 years of existence.

As an empath I feel more so than most understand and relate to issues sooner than most let on. As a survivor of abuse, co-dependency, domestic violence I'm able to understand the complexities of toxic personality trait disordered individuals and able to council others to be that supportive base while placing up necessary boundaries to rid themselves of that vicious cycle.

This newest creation by Harold S. Koplewicz, M.D. was so spot on that I intend to keep this as a reference manual for not only myself but my own clientele that I help to recover from malignant narcissism.

Both myself and my children have undergone and endured many of the criteria displayed in this easy to read self-help book. The charts are informative, simplistic, educational, and gratifying to know that finally someone understands.

As a child the last thing you want to hear is a mother pleading and begging with you to just 'learn' the material but not providing a manner conducive to your style of learning.

What can a child do when their mind is hard wired differently than others? For those like myself with ADHD but never provided meds in childhood it can take a lifetime to solve the mystery on their own. Becoming withdrawn, socially distant, always seeking inclusion or love, needing that support and or guidance is the reason behind The Scaffold Effect.

We cannot build a solid foundation for a child to fly the nest if they aren't given the proper tools to work with and not just explore but to develop and grow into adulthood themselves.
Helicopter parenting, abusive parents (spanking/hitting), toxic parents (personality trait disorders), and those who passed down the inherited genes without acknowledging them all do a great disservice to their offspring.

There's a specific page in this book that stopped me dead and made me tear up. It's something I've carried inside of me for almost 50 years. That memory of me and my mother both in tears because we weren't on the same level of understanding and knowledge and as a minor child in grade school I didn't have the tools to help her understand nor did she in providing necessary assistance to conquer the challenges I faced.

The idea about 'Self-Fulfilling Prophecy' is exactly what created the flood of sensations. I will quote that exact point in time," I specialize in children and adolescents with ADHD, and even though it's a brain-based mental health disorder, these kids are told frequently from an early age that it's not biological, they they just have to try harder. If they're not treated by late elementary school, these kids do start to believe that they are lazy, difficult, and not invested in school, and they behave accordingly."

I would note the author goes on to say that even with treatment these children continue to say "I'm such a procrastinator" and "I'm so lazy." It's kind of tragic says this author. "External and internal biases are so hard to overcome."

Imagine if you will carrying these biases for nearly 50 years and being told to 'stop sponging off the relatives and get a job' after being left bankrupt, homeless, and long term unemployed after raising three kids solo for twenty years. Reentry into a system isn't designed after you give up your Masters level education to tend to your med disabled son with Vater Syndrome and two other high risk children. It is not designed for someone who married into the only thing known to her while being labeled as not believable or credible by those with high case loads rather than proper credentials.

Or, let me offer up this: Imagine going to a pulmonary specialist to uncover 20 years of misdiagnosis while awaiting lung test results within a 10 minute session. Would any reasonable person accomplish this without seeming tangent in thoughts and without speaking fast? Would a first time patient be seen in a different light if this was the case upon entering the room for an initial consult? Should patients be afraid to speak for fear they'd be misinterpreted with lengthy medical files? Is it not the proper time to address lengthy med files at a first office visit with a new doctor?

Based upon the Goldwater Rule we cannot diagnosis w/o the proper credentials, without establishing a level understanding of the patients needs, and we cannot do such within a short time span on a first time basis.

The problem today is many individuals rush to judgement, they avoid doing the research, they avoid questions, discussions, and just want immediate results. This is scary for patients who are suffering from mental illness and can result in dangerous consequences for staff and superiors.

Women are at greater risk because often times they are misjudged, mischaracterized, and misconstrued. We're often told it's all in our heads, it's a hormonal imbalance, or it's a psychiatric issue right from the start. We aren't taken seriously nor are viewed as credible and believable and that too has me deeply concerned.

Thankfully, my mother never listened to the doctors who claim I had ADHD and offered up drugs as it was more a sugar high then anything else. To this day I've been offered so many drugs as an adult that when I say I don't even take a vitamin the doctors seem shocked. I happily let them know I'm high energy it's genetic & I speak loud & proud because my father is hearing impaired (Navy Vet Cold War working on Air Carriers). I speak fast because I'm on governmental aid as a guinea pig whose given limited appointment times after 6 months-1 year of scheduling sessions.

There's a reason for everything and often times it's a matter of understanding not quick anecdotal beliefs and rush to judgements.

A traffic citation resulted from a woman pulling into oncoming traffic resulting in a catastrophe had I not pulled around her vehicle to pass in a no passing zone to avoid major issues. I was immediately labeled aggressive rather than assertive for explanation using 'yes sir & no sir responses.'

You see people want to self diagnose when they're not qualified to do such and this officer in particular then asked if this is my 'normal tone' and "yes" it is.
I bring this up because there's a direct correlation to the tone, the sense of character, the responses one provides that create this appearance of one's mental status which is often at odds with what's actually occurring.

The author notes this example: Take the "I" out of Child. While I could write my own book on this topic with three teens that are college age and one high school I'll put it this way. We're a family left homeless from divorce in extreme poverty, having lost SSI/SSP after son turned 18, and we're without any credit/assets/income. My son was mocked for graduating w a 4 yr. perfect attendance as being medically disabled with Vater Syndrome for life. My kids are in private catholic school & received the Bishop Youth Award with all high honors and NHS titles to date. All were mocked for being shy. We ate at food banks, we ate at playgrounds, we ate at local libraries. Our clothes were fashioned by Salvation Army or as we call it Sally's place.
My 1st oldest daughter quit basketball in 9th grade after being stepped up to Varsity level with only two days to learn all plays before the start of the year. She was put down by coaches and compared to 'star athletes' as never good enough.

She ended her four year term as PIAA STATE FIRST TEAM ALL STAR. The point being you can't run someone else's race. You must run your own. Her coach was horrific and nearly everyone quit because of his coaching style.

If I did what the doctor noted other parents have done in this book she'd never have found her place in line in becoming self sufficient. Her team won their championship during the pandemic after losing two weeks of practices while she herself was injured with a ankle sprain and injured shoulder.

I spent an entire childhood on the outside looking in. When others sailed through homework I sat at the kitchen table in tears being forced to learn what I couldn't understand.

'Is it a learning disability' is one section of this book. There's a chart listing dyslexia and the issues it raises. I've never been diagnosed but this was the second time I cried because nearly everything on that list is what I had to overcome. Speech delays, reading comprehension, trouble differentiating right from left, superimposing or reversing letters/numbers, trouble spelling, difficulty remembering multiple directions, and this one that resulted in my tears--trouble reading clocks and telling time.

For my entire childhood this was the case -obviously I did finally learn it- but it was the slap-stick approach of cold love in which it was forced into my memory bank as a requirement regardless of the manner in which it was achieved.

I hope one thing comes out of this book: That people become accepting of others challenges and rather than self diagnose them they take the time to simply listen and ask questions if they don't understand.

You could truly learn a vast array of information by simply following a structured guideline such as what's offered up here in The Scaffold Effect but you can go along way to helping secure a stronger foundational presence for a child by simply providing guidance, affection, compassion, empathy, and unconditional love.

I openly talk about my anxiety issues that stemmed from these learning issues, childhood traumatic events, and toxic adult relationships.

I've suffered immensely at the hands of others and I pray that nobody experiences such a cruel harsh environment as the one in which I was brought up in and have had to endure.
Please be kind to one another.