Book Review: "Born Under The Gaslight" By Cindy Collins

What will the neighbors think?” “Keep your voice down, or the neighbors will hear you screaming.” I never knew The Neighbors, but, more importantly, they never knew my family. Right next door was a house of horror, and they indeed never knew. This is the story that was carefully concealed from you. This is the story that can happen even if you do grow up with neighbors watching.- Born Under The Gaslight

What's it like to live with a mental illness, personality trait disorder such as BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) or PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) as an impressionable young child moving into adulthood.

This is Cindy Collin's story in which she not only formed barriers and boundaries but came out of the grey rock and began to experiment with self love, acceptance, courage, and peace from within.

"The failures of life were to be my friends, and I would attend the school of hard knocks."
This previous statement was like sitting with a magnifying glass that highlights the page for the world to partake and appreciate.

So much of our world is based on labels. Labels that are incorrectly placed upon us by others often known as arm chair psychologist with no previous experience. The professionals who do diagnose can also be burdened with high case loads and lack the ability to completely understand unless involved in a specialized area.

Those on the outside looking in can't imagine the unseen hardships. The internal wars. The struggles that come along with years of beratement and chastisement. Years of low self esteem, constant criticisms, no structural supportive system of guidance mixed with love.

The 'ungrateful daughter' -the 'unappreciative wife' -the 'financial disaster' -the 'kept woman'-'the crazy one'- is just some of what a woman may be subjected too especially in my case as the scapegoat from a family of narcissists in which I married into what I knew all of my life (a malignant narc/psycho/sociopath).

What I tell my readers who follow my FB page,"The Lost Self Life After Narcissism" is to take time to smell the roses. When you spend years exhausting yourself, giving to others, or in my case being an introverted empath and becoming dependent for income upon a former spouse during childrearing-it becomes difficult to introduce much needed boundaries when financial, housing, medical and other constraints come to light. It's even harder to process without having a home, income, or credit while raising three minor kids-all of which is needed in moving forward as was my situation.

I've dealt with days of high level stress, anxiety, trauma and it's not something you could easily explain to those who don't understand a lifetime of smear campaigns, bullying, manipulation, and much more.

It's imperative that you seek professional help in a specific area geared for maximum benefit. The idea is to limit exposure to the toxicity while tending to your own personal goals.
Go ahead, make yourself a priority because it's not selfish but selfless.

"They all went on with their happy lives after destroying any hope I had to be a functioning adult."

While I can relate on some levels (without BPD) I can understand this dynamic due to the years of childhood abuse and narcissism.

It's not easy to open up and tell your story but in telling you are healing not only yourself but those seeking comfort and guidance.

I can also relate to the inner dynamics of the family -namely the brothers- and how that intertwined to be a 'blame and shame' game.

While we are all adults and must take responsibility as it's not healthy to carry past pain; it's worth noting that you can rebuild.

You may be broken but remember -broken crayons still color.

The notion that you feel that you aren't worthy is something you need to understand must be processed and slowly nurtured through time.

I'm so glad I was able to find this ARC on Netgalley because it's a hidden gem that everyone should read for a better understanding of the aftermath of toxic parenting and the reformation process.

Thank you to Cindy, the pub, Netgalley, and Amazon Kindle for this ARC in exchange for this honest review.